Locktober is becoming increasingly popular among those who enjoy chastity. (PinkNews)
For many people, the word “chastity” has negative connotations – many associate it with misogynistic, puritanical ideas about virginity – but in the context of BDSM, it means something very different.
All across the world, people are locking their penises away inside chastity cages because they love the thrill and the sexual sensation that comes with feeling submissive.
Exactly how chastity works varies enormously from person to person. For some, it involves one person – the submissive, or sub – wearing a chastity cage on their penis and handing control over to the dominant partner. Others simply lock their penises away themselves to experience the sexual rush that comes with surrendering control.
Essentially, chastity is one of the many ways people can achieve sexual satisfaction.
For the last few years, October has become a special month of the year for those who are into chastity – and for those who want to dip their toe in the waters of kink. For those in the chastity community, October has become known as “Locktober” – a month-long event which sees subs wearing chastity cages for 31 days in a row.
It’s not necessarily that strict, of course – like all kink, it varies from person to person, and there are no hard and fast rules about what chastity has to look like. Each person – or each couple – is free to explore Locktober in whatever way they please.
Kevin is doing Locktober because he likes the ‘pent-up frustrated state of mind’ that chastity brings
Kevin – not his real name – is one of the many people taking part in Locktober this year. He’s always had something of a fascination with kink, but it was when he was around 21 years old that he started experimenting. So far, his experience with chastity has been “massively positive”.
“Chastity wasn’t something I thought I would get into at first,” Kevin tells PinkNews. “I enjoy having my freedom down there far too much even though I appreciated it on an aesthetic level. However – over time – I met a few people into it as well as seeing others enjoy it online and I began to develop a fascination with it.
“Being pushed into that pent-up, frustrated state of mind is incredibly enjoyable. It can make you feel very submissive and that frustrated feeling can really push you to try new ideas and kinks too. I also enjoy the humiliation aspect of it as well – especially around those who aren’t locked up. Most like to tease which can be very emasculating but it all adds to the pleasure and frustration.”
This isn’t the first time Kevin has tried Locktober – he took on the challenge in October 2020 too, but it didn’t go as well as he had hoped. He ended up bowing out early after he learned the hard way that buying a cheap cage isn’t the best plan. It wasn’t particularly good quality and it didn’t fit very well, which left him feeling uncomfortable. He has since invested in a new cage.
“There’s still plenty of straining which can get rough but it’s all part of the fun,” he says. “Sleeping can be a real problem too and it’s fairly normal to wake up a few times before your body adapts and gets used to the new norm.”
Kevin thinks Locktober is becoming “more and more popular” with each passing year – at least in online spaces. He is keen to encourage anyone out there who’s intrigued by the idea of chastity to give it a go.
“It may not be for you but at least you’ll feel like you’ve given it a try and aren’t wondering about it anymore,” he says. “It’s important not to set too high of an expectation for your first delve into kink too. Just because you want to try doesn’t mean you have to go hardcore right away. Just find a friend or someone you can trust to have a bit of chilled exploring with first just to dunk your toes in. After that you can start going a bit harder.
“Overall the kink community is very safe and aware of boundaries. Individuals that don’t respect that are not welcome. Trust and kink go hand in hand.”
Consent is key when it comes to Locktober and chastity
Like Kevin, Michael started getting into chastity quite early on – he was around 19 years old when he first tried it out. His experience has been “a lot of fun”, he says. He is currently “self-locked”, meaning he is wearing and controlling his own chastity cage.
“I think sex in general should be fun and exploring different things that are of interest is part of that,” he says. “Kink is such a wide, catch-all term – there’s so much to explore within that, ranging from a simple jockstrap to full on leather bondage.”
Michael found his entry route into chastity organically. He was already into other kinds of kink, such as bondage and sportswear, and was encouraged by men he was having sex with to avoid masturbating for a couple of days before sessions to heighten the experience.
“It just grew out from there. I enjoy the kind of delayed gratification and there’s sort of a building anticipation, and then there’s also something quite nice about focusing your sexual energy on another person. It’s not so much focussed on pleasing yourself, it’s about gaining enjoyment from pleasing someone else.”
Michael isn’t actually taking part in Locktober this year – he prefers to explore chastity at his own pace. He thinks Locktober “can be a good thing and it can be something fun”.
“But ultimately, as in all sexual things, your physical and mental health are the priority and I think Locktober has grown from this fun little challenge that you want to give a go to almost like, ‘If you don’t do it properly, you’re somehow not a valid submissive’. I think that’s terrible and it’s such a horrible expectation. At the end of the day, this is a recreational activity and people need to or want to stop for a variety of reasons – maybe their work is really stressful, for example. There are tons of reasons why people can’t continue with Locktober.”
Chastity pros worry that Locktober is ‘too long’ for newbies
Locktober wouldn’t even be possible if it weren’t for the professionals out there offering support and advice to those starting out on their chastity journeys. Eli Shaw is one of those who has been helping the people of Twitter to explore chastity this October.
Shaw isn’t taking part in Locktober because he is, as he describes it, “permanently locked”. He has been wearing a chastity cage for more than 500 days continuously, and he has charted his journey on OnlyFans.
“At this point I forget what it feels like to be unlocked,” he says.
Shaw and his boyfriend never intended that he would become permanently locked – but as time went by, he could see few reasons why he would want to take his cage off. He now keeps his chastity device on at all times.
“The only time we ran into some logistical issues is flying but the plastic cage can make it through airport security fine,” he adds.
He thinks Locktober is “a great idea” for those looking to embark on their chastity journey – but he does have some reservations.
“My only issue with it is that a whole month of chastity is too long for most that don’t have any experience in being locked,” he says. However, he says: “If you stick through it your body will adjust.”
Michael is concerned by how much pressure Locktober can put on people who are new to the chastity scene. He wants people to know that it’s OK if you’re not feeling it or want to give up.
People think the dom is in charge, but actually, technically, they’re not, because the sub is.
“This is some arbitrary thing that ultimately puts a lot of pressure for not that much benefit in my opinion, for a lot of people. The thing that people often forget is that it’s not just a month without w**king, it’s also wearing this thing around your body that you’re not used to, and that again takes a lot of energy.
He also thinks it’s important to stress for people new to the BDSM scene that consent is central to any sexual dynamic. Without consent, dom and sub sexual dynamics can’t function in any kind of meaningful way, he says.
“Ultimately, consent is the cornerstone of of dom/sub relationships. Along with consent comes trust and honesty. Consent is the most important thing and a lot of the time people think the dom is in charge, but actually, technically, they’re not, because the sub is – they’re the ones consenting to have things done to them. That’s where things like safe words come in.”
The sub gets to ‘define the conditions’ of their chastity journey
Luckily, those trying out Locktober – or those who are exploring chastity more broadly – have an entire online network they can rely on. There are countless people willing to share their tips and advice on Twitter, and there are online forums where people can connect with doms and subs who can be a part of their chastity journey.
TeamLocked is one of those forums. The website was recently bought by EmlaLock, another online platform dedicated to the art of chastity. TeamLocked allows locked subs and their key holders to share pictures, keep a calendar of their chastity and take on various challenges. It also allows subs to find prospective key holders.
The crew over at ElmaLocked are keen to point out that the sub gets to “define the conditions” of their own chastity.
“Sure, you can always improve and stay locked longer – or you could be forced to improve – but it’s always the wearer that defines the baseline,” they explain.
“If you’re not used to wearing the cage at night, you could be allowed to remove it if needed or you could be granted to remove it every night. Some people say removing the cage during Locktober is ‘against the rules’. For others, it is simply part of normal personal hygiene. There is no set of predefined rules for Locktober – you create the rules.”
They also urge caution for anyone trying chastity for the first time – not all potential key holders have good intentions. ElmaLock has urged subs to not trust “the first person” who comes forward. Extortion is common, and some people just want your money.
“There are lots of genuine services out there that can help you with your chastity lockup. There are websites like TeamLocked or EmlaLock, mobile apps like ChastiKey, professional keyholders, there are time-based locks or lockboxes like the kSafe,” the ElmaLock team says.
“If you’re up to it, you could ask a friend to watch over your keys for a given amount of time – without telling them what they lock!”